Birth Parents FAQs

How do I start the adoption process?

Adoption is different today than it was in years past. Generally, it's a very open arrangement. Initially, when you call, we will take some basic information from you. This will help us assess your situation and what you are looking for in an adoptive family. Once this is determined, we will talk with you about available families. From there, you may choose to speak with them by phone or see profiles. If possible you may even meet the family prior to delivery. We will ask you to fill out some background information and provide your medical records related to the pregnancy. Once you have selected a family, legal representation will be provided to you at no cost. An attorney or agency representative will give you information concerning the adoption laws in the state in which you are planning to deliver your child. The attorney or agency will confer with the adoptive parents' legal representative to be sure that everything is done properly and within the laws of their state as well.

How are the adoptive parents screened?

In each state, there are standards that a family must meet in order to adopt. While they vary from state to state, they are similar and each family must qualify. This is done with a home study. A social worker who is licensed in the state meets with the family a number of times. A background check is done. References are checked. In some states, a physical is required. Once it has been determined that a family is qualified to adopt, the home study is approved and a report is written, to be provided to the court at the time of the adoption.

How does it work in the hospital?

Ideally, prior to checking into the hospital for delivery, there will be time to notify the hospital of your plans. The attorney or agency will send a letter to the labor and delivery unit of the hospital and let them know that an adoption has been planned and also your wishes about how you want the adoption to proceed and what interaction you want with your child and the adoptive parents. These choices are entirely up to you and you may change your mind about holding/not holding the baby while you are in the hospital. A hospital social worker will visit you while you are in the hospital. This is important, as the hospital is responsible for releasing the baby to the proper party (agency, attorney, or adoptive parents, depending upon the state and the adoption plan) and will want to confirm that this is, in fact, the decision you have made.

Should I see or hold my child? Won’t that make it harder to let go?

We believe that you can't say "goodbye" without first having said "hello". While we wouldn't encourage breast feeding (as it is a very bonding experience and if you are placing the baby for adoption, you won't want to encourage the production of breast milk), we do encourage that you see your child and spend a little time saying "hello" and "goodbye". You need to know what your child looks like and have a chance to have some personal time to say the things you want to say to your child. In our experience, birth mothers have not regretted taking a little time with the child. However, when they do not see or touch the baby, later on they tend to wish they had. Take a few photographs with the baby and even with the adoptive family. These are memories and mementos which you will want to save.

Does the birth father have to sign consent papers?

The birth father is required to be notified of the adoption. He may choose to consent to the adoption and be available to sign the relinquishment of his parental rights. This is the best scenario. Realistically, birth fathers are not always available or willing to do so, or may simply choose to ignore the situation. When this happens, every attempt is made to serve the father and/or notify him via a public notice. When this is the case, a judge may have to order the termination of parental rights. In some states, there is a putative father registry, where the birth father's name is placed. If he doesn't contest the adoption, it is approved by the courts. Because laws are different, it can be a little confusing. This is why it is important for you to have legal representation. The legal specialist with whom you work will be able to clarify the laws and how they relate to you.

What if there is more than one possible birth father?

It is important that all possible birth fathers be notified of the impending adoption. Generally, unless someone is contesting the adoption, no paternity test is done. Should that become an issue, your legal counsel will advise you of the best plan in your circumstances. The information you provide is confidential and one potential birth father will not be informed about another without your permission.

Can I name my baby?

Certainly you may name your baby! You may choose any name you wish to put on the birth certificate. When the adoptive parents go to court to finalize the adoption, they will be given the option to name the child and a new certificate issued. In some cases, the birth parents and adoptive parents talk about names and choose one together. Since you will be able to obtain the baby's original birth certificate, you may want to have a special name on it, but if you have not decided on a name, then talk with the adoptive parents about what they are considering. Perhaps you will want to put the name they have chosen on the certificate for continuity.

When will I sign my consent to the adoption?

Once again, each state has specific laws governing this. Typically, you will sign your consent (also known as a relinquishment or surrender in some states) after you have been discharged from the hospital. There are a few exceptions. In a couple of states you may sign prior to delivery, however, the consent is not valid until a period of time has passed. Again, this will be explained thoroughly when you meet with your legal counsel.

Is adoption permanent?

Yes, adoption is permanent. When you consent to an adoption, it is for a lifetime. You will not be able to take the child back at a later date, so it's important that you have thought your decision through and feel comfortable consenting to a placement. While the placement is permanent, you may opt to keep in touch with the adoptive family in an open adoption.

How is open adoption different than closed adoption?

There are many forms of "open" adoption. Different people mean different things when they discuss open adoption. Be sure that the adoptive family and the professionals with whom you are working understand what you mean when you discuss this. You may simply want to know a little about the family, talk to them via phone, and have them at the hospital to bond with the child. You may want a little more interaction with the family and also wish for letters, pictures, and updates to be sent to you on a periodic basis (to be decided). This is fairly standard in adoptions today. If you wish more contact than that, please discuss your wishes with us and we will certainly try to find a family who can accommodate your desires. Should you choose a "closed" adoption, everything will be handled through the legal representatives and last names and identifying information for both the family and the birth parents would not be disclosed to each other.

What should I consider when choosing a family for my child?

You may consider religion, region of the country, siblings, a stay-at-home parent, professions, race, or something specific which you desire for your child. For example, one birth mother was specific that she wanted her child to live on a ranch (she had a love of horses and wanted her child to grow up with horses and animals around). Another birth mother felt it was important that her child be taught piano (several generations of her family played piano). These requests are not unreasonable and we will try to help you find the ideal family for your child. Let us know what's important to you.

What types of families do you have available?

There is someone for everyone! All different types of families want to adopt. The majority of families simply have a fertility issue and are unable to give birth to a biological child. Perhaps they were able to have one child, and have secondary infertility. We also have single mothers and alternative families. We do not discriminate. If a potential adoptive parent(s) is able to obtain an approved home study, we will make them available to birth mothers. Ultimately, it's your decision whom you would like to parent your child. There is no "right" answer…it's simply what you feel is best for you and your child. If it's the right "fit", you will feel comfortable. We want you to have options.

Will the adoptive parents be in the delivery room?

This is entirely up to you. Certainly, most adoptive parents would welcome the opportunity to witness the birth and bond with the baby (and with you-this can be a very moving experience), however, your privacy will be respected. If you are comfortable with one or both adoptive parents in the room, that can be arranged. If not, they may wait in the waiting area until the baby is brought to the nursery and can visit with the baby there. If you have opted for a "closed" adoption, then the adoptive parents will arrive at the hospital when directed by the attorney or agency.

Is counseling provided?

Yes. In some states, counseling is actually required. In other states, you have a choice. Much of the time, birth mothers come to us having already made the decision to place for adoption. If you have thought it through, you may feel that you don't need counseling. We respect your feelings in that regard. However, after the adoption, you may feel differently. Counseling is encouraged and this will be made available to you should you need it. In some cases, we may be able to help you connect to birth mother support groups or other birth mothers. This can help get you through the most difficult time, just after the placement.

How do birth mothers feel after a placement?

After a placement, there is a natural period of grieving. This is normal. You will need some time to heal. At this time, you are a mother with empty arms. You need the support of family and friends. A counselor can also help you through this difficult period. Adoption is not something you "get over" and it can be difficult to hear comments along those lines from well-meaning friends. You have just given birth and, aside from the hormonal swings, you are grieving for your child. Time does help to heal and you should try to rest and recover. We are always here to listen and to refer you for the necessary counseling.

How soon in my pregnancy should I start planning the adoption?

You may call us and begin your adoption plan at any stage of your pregnancy. Generally, you would be matched with a family in the second or third trimester of the pregnancy. If you are being specific, it helps us if we have a little time to find the appropriate family. However, if you have made the decision to place your child for adoption, you may call us at any point (even if you have parented for a time), and we will work to make your adoption go smoothly. If you have decided to move forward with an adoption plan, simply call us or fill out the birth mother information on this website and let us know how to contact you. We look forward to assisting you. If you haven't yet decided, feel free to look over the website and call us with any questions you may have.